The Failed Safari

This blog entry will contain no photos of animals.  No lions or elephants, no giraffes or zebras, no wildebeest or hippos.  The reason for this is not that I didn’t see any animals on my safari – that would be pretty well impossible in Tanzania, unless I were blind or asleep – but because I didn’t get to go on safari at all.

Not for lack of trying, though.

See, Tanzania might be known for its Serengeti Plains, its Ngorongoro Crater, and its Big Five mammals living amongst its Maasai warriors.  But what it’s known for, even more, is its expensive, exclusive safaris.  There is no way around it – you simply cannot safari here on a budget.

Tally for Bruno and I to safari for one day in Ngorongoro Conservation Area (in USD):

Entry Fee for Two – $100

Ngorongoro Crater Fee – $200

Vehicle Fee (over two tons, foreign plates) – $150

Camping Inside Park for Two – $60

That’s a grand total of $510, for ONE day, two people.  Ordinarily, it takes us 10 days of travel to spend that kind of cash.  Forking over that amount of money (likely into the pockets of government officials rather than to actual conservation) feels like sheer robbery.  We simply cannot justify it.

Forking over the price of a new laptop for a day of animal viewing is even harder to justify when you are coming from Southern Africa, where budget safariing is the norm.  In South Africa, for example, tourists can purchase a Wild Card for $150UDS ($250USD for a couple) and gain free entry into more than 80 parks within Southern Africa!  No extra vehicle fees, no hidden costs.  Add to that a very reasonable $10/pp for very luxurious camping and you can safari for almost 2 weeks for the price of a single day in Ngorongoro!  It’s simple math, but the odds of spotting that elusive leopard are much greater in thirteen days than in one.

Watching elephants bathe in the Zambezi River, in Mana Pools National Park, Zimbabwe

Observing my first-ever lions, a group of 8 females and young males; Mana Pools, Zimbabwe

In Tanzania, National Parks and Game Reserves are simply off-limits to tourists like us.  And when you’re in a country where 20% of land is protected by park/reserve status – the highest percentage in the world – you sort of feel as if you’re missing out on a lot of what the country has to offer.

This feeling of “missing out” has been our reality since I arrived in East Africa almost 9 months ago.  Kenya and Uganda boast similar prices as Tanzania for safaris, and so, with the exception of the time that Bruno’s niece visited us, we haven’t stepped foot in a National Park in all of East Africa.

I haven’t seen an elephant in 8 months!  And it’s killing me!  What’s worse, I haven’t seen a big male lion yet – something that’s been on my bucket list for a while now – and my time in Africa is ticking near its end.

That may have sounded like the rant of a spoiled brat for those of you who have never gone of safari.  I can only respond that, once you catch the safari bug, it takes hold of you like a drug addiction.  And, akin to a drug addict’s deep-seated desire for a fix, I badly needed an elephant-fix.

My handsome safari-partner/animal photographer

Dreamily watching animals at a water hole in Mhuze Game Reserve, SA

“Go this way!”  The navigator demanding rhinos at Hluhluwe-Infoloze Park, SA

And so, Bruno and I concocted a plan to allow me to enter – on our modest budget – the infamous Ngorongoro Crater, one of the most surefire places to see lions.

The Plan, in a nutshell: Try to sweet-talk my way onto a Nogorongoro-bound safari vehicle that had an empty seat.

The crux of the plan: By going through the driver, rather than the tour company, I would theoretically pay a pittance (plus my entry fee – no way around that).

Watching rhinos up-close, at Royal Hlane National Park, Swaziland

When watching animals for hours, space and comfort are of utmost importance.  That’s why I spread my legs out onto Bruno’s personal space.  My comfort is of utmost importance.

To increase our plan’s odds of success, Bruno and I parked ourselves in Karatu, the nearest town to the Ngorongoro gate.  And I networked like a Jehovah’s Witness.  I devoutly visited lodge after lodge, angelically inquiring with employees whether they knew any vehicles going into the park, or whether they knew any safari drivers.  I sprinkled them with divine details of my plan when they seemed competent and interested.  And I pestered them faithfully, day after day.

“Any news yet?” I would ask sweetly.  “Any safari cars going in? Any chance of me getting into the car?”

Sometimes I’d be given a hint of hope.

“I know of a car going into the park the day after tomorrow.”  Or, “there’s a group of tourists coming to the lodge this evening.”  These comments were always followed by, “I’ll look into it.  Come back later.”

Once, I was offered a place on a safari for $100 (including entrance fee).  It was $20-30 more than I’d mentally budgeted, so I declined.  In hindsight, I should have taken it, for after that, no quote I received came near that price.

“It’s low season.  There aren’t a lot of tourists.  Not many vehicles going into the park, you see.”

Watching hippos and crocs from a pedestrian bridge in Kruger National Park, SA

My “cool” safari driver.  (At least he comes cheap!) Chobe National Park, Botswana.

At the end of four days of searching for my ticket into the park – my elephant-fix – I had to admit defeat.  There wasn’t enough in Karatu to keep us here, waiting endlessly.  The rains were starting to fall more regularly, and Malawi was calling our name.

And so I gave up.  I told Bruno that I was ready to head to Malawi, where we can budget-safari to our hearts content, but where the odds of seeing that maned male lion are as slim as Madonna.  (Sorry, Malawi makes me think of Madonna.)

I’m sure our plan for a cheap safari could have worked.  If.  If I’d stayed longer.  Or if I’d networked harder.  Or if it weren’t low season.

But instead of allowing myself to feel disappointment or regret – “What If” syndrome – I’m going to focus on all that Tanzania has given to me.  A luxurious week on a beach, several hikes through villages tucked away into hillsides, a glorious glimpse of Kilimanjaro, and more close-up peeks of Maasais than I ever thought possible.  It’s more than many people even fantasize about.

Watching rhinos at Khama Rhino Sanctuary, Botswana

This time I safariied from the bed in the back, as Lulu needed to get up-close and personal at Tsavo East National Park, Kenya.

Alas, the dream of seeing that big-maned lion remains, a slight but constant itch in the back of my mind.  I’d love to be able to say that I’ll get to see him, that one day I’ll tick him off my bucket list.  It would be make a great, positive, ending to this blog entry.  But, in truth, I don’t know if I will.  We’ve no plans to head to affordable-safari lion-country anytime soon.

If I don’t get to see my big male lion this trip, I suppose it will be a reason to return to Africa one day.  And I kind of like the thought of that, too.