Sometimes part of wandering is knowing when to stay put.
Today another graduation is taking place at Lake Forest College. It brings back memories of my own graduation – having my family with me, singing the school song, eating WAY too much food…
I remember all too clearly how I felt upon graduation – I felt excited, free, and ready to take on the world. Many of my friends were scared or nervous to enter the real world because they didn’t know what the future would hold. Neither did I, but unlike my friends, this prospect excited me and made me feel powerful. I remember telling myself that NOW I could do whatever I wanted because I didn’t have any responsibility, except to myself.
So, after going home and regrouping, I made plans. I made plans to volunteer in Nepal and then to teach English for a year in Thailand. I bought my plane ticket, got my visa, packed my belongings, and went to Asia.
Those of you who have followed my blog have thus followed my last 5 months in Nepal. You’ve read as I’ve examined and marveled over Nepali culture. You’ve read as I’ve labored over difficulties and confusions. You’ve read as I’ve talked excitedly about people and experiences I’ve had.
But few of you, I think, truly know how wonderful my time in Nepal has been and how much the people there have touched me.
I don’t love Nepal more than I loved Senegal, but I am older and wiser… and freeer. This means I am able to make a decision that I was not able to make in Senegal. I am able to stay longer.
I know I have a “plan” – I’m supposed to teach in Thailand, make some money, travel around the area, and then return to Canada with experiences of new countries and money in my bank account to spare.
But this plan no longer appeals to me right now. It’s too generic, too easy, too selfish. The kids I’d be teaching in Thailand are already from wealthy families. They have a great school to go to and access to over 100 foreign teachers. This is infinitely more than the children of Nepal have.
My heart is telling me to stay in Nepal. I can do so much more there. I can join a social organization and try to contribute something toward the ever-changing yet eternally-poor society of Nepal. Doing so would not only help others, but also give me the experience that I am searching for in this post-undergrad, pre-gradschool time.
Plus, it doesn’t hurt that I am happy in Kathmandu. I have countless Nepali friends, musicians to play with, and little Kali to take care of. In Pokhara, as well, I have a life that I am hesitant to give up. I have a family that loves me and a school that still needs my help.
And I don’t want to abandon them.
My whole life, our family has picked up and moved every 3 years or so. As such, I am an expert at leaving people. But I am getting older now, and I don’t want to do that anymore.
When I left Senegal, I told all my friends there that I would be back soon. I really meant it, yet a year and a half later, I still have not returned. What’s worse, now the urgency to return is gone. I do not want that to happen in Nepal, but if I leave now it certainly will. I’ve only been there one month longer than I was in Senegal so my relationships in Nepal are not solid enough yet to stand the test of time.
If I stay longer, I will solidify those relationships. I will continue to learn the culture and the language and continue to feel like I’m part of a community. I will help Nepalis in whatever capacity I can. And I will gain experience for the future.
For all these reasons, I am here in Thailand only to collect my belongings and help out at the school here until they are able to find another to replace me. Then I will return to Kathmandu and settle myself there. Not forever, by any means, but for a little while longer.
After all, life is what happens while you’re making plans, right?
